I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
