They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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