she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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