you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
3pm strippers are depressing
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
