I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
