Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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