quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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