I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
