it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
