"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
