Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
