Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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