Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
