True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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