I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
