@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
