Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
