good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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