I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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