can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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