I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize