i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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