i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
