im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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