so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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