to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
