Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
