if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
