I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
