her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
