I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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