oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
