Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
