That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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