She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
