started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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