I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
