i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
