based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
