my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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