Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
