It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
