tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
