the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
