if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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