My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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