For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
