Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
