My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
