I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
