I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
