I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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