Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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