a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
