I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
