you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
