Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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