You made me cry and you don't even care
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
