I puked a lego.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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