bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
