I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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