Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
