god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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