There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
