remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
