News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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