Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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