Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
