You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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