Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
