So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
