Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
pray to the hookup gods
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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