we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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