it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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