is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
