She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
