you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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