it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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