I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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